Couple’s Communication Exercise
12 Minutes of Sharing and listening.
Do this every week, and it will change your relationship.
It is harder, here, to be the witness. The witness’s whole job is to stay grounded and present and listen to what is said without trying to fix or change it. If you find yourself getting activated, or taking your partner’s words personally, take a deep breath, feel for the ground beneath you, then return attention to your partner. Let it be all about the speaker. With repetition of competent listening, trust builds and sharing comes more freely.
The Rules:
Choose who speaks first and who witnesses first.
Set a timer for 2 min per question
Witness asks the questions in this order:
What do you really want?
What are you afraid of?
What do you love about me?
Speaker riffs answers to fill the two minutes. If speaker runs out of steam, witness says “thank you,” then repeats the question.
When 2 minutes is up, witness thaks the speaker. That question is closed. Move on to the next question.
Switch positions at the end of all 3 questions and repeat in opposite roles.
This is a self-contained exercise, not a seed for your week’s conversations.